Tales from the Sea: August 2011

An Introduction

I have been a single fish in the big blue sea for just over five years now. I’ve tried meeting men in bars, at singles mingles, dance classes, and have even created online dating profiles with two different sites. Through all of these endeavors I have acquired several interactions with men who, unfortunately, fell short of what I am looking for. These stories can not be kept to oneself and thus have been told and retold to all of my friends and every new friend that joins our circle. My friends have been telling me for awhile now that I need to write a book or document these stories in some way so that they can be shared with others and so that we can all return to them whenever we are in need of a good laugh.

Some of these tales are old, some are from yesterday, some are long, some are short, and some aren’t about men in particular but are conversations between the ladies! I’ll write them all as they come to me…

August 22, 2011

Bowling

Another "awesome" email I received was earlier this summer through PoF, unfortunately the website deletes emails older than 30 days so I no longer have a copy of it I will do my best, however, to repeat the best parts. Lets see, I believe it started with some introduction on how he thought I was pretty and then continued with...

I would like to kiss you on the lips and then take you bowling. Don't be afraid to meet me I'm just looking for old fashion companionship. We could be friends laugh together and roll around.

I really appreciated the order of operations in this email kissing and then a date, it usually my preference to do those two in reverse. You have to give him credit for being specific and honest, he wants to kiss me on the lips not the cheek, neck, hand, forehead, etc. And bowling wow I can't tell you how romantic bowling is for a first date; the smell of the shoes, cheap nasty beer, and groups of teenagers or old men who are all bowling better than me. But lets not stop there we still have the "old fashion companionship" which to be honest I'm not sure I'm looking for and there is this whole question of rolling around which has me completely stumped.

Um yeah...

August 17, 2011

Zombies

Deciding which story to tell first is hard, so I've decided to start with things men have said to me or asked...

This first one happens to be an introductory email I received from an online dating site and went as follows:

"Read your profile, and wanted to know more. Now there is a chance you will be chasing me out of town as part of a mob armed with pitch forks (I hate when that happens), but I think it is worth the risk. Come chat a bit. It's more fun to do in person at 3am while on a taco run, but this will do for the moment.

Tell me the interesting things about you like... What is your favorite holiday? Do you have a weapon of choice for dealing with the impending zombie invasion? If you only had $5 to spend, but wanted to have fun on a weekend how/what would you do"

Perhaps some of you ladies may have responded to this message, but I was too confused about the pitch forks and the impending zombie invasions to respond and decided to let this one go. Since then I have come up with several zombie weaponry... machete (quiet and sharp), a bow (also quiet and can kill from a distance), or my favorite an airport tower (exclusive and has a very good view).