I have recently found out that I have apparently been very naive as to how men really feel about women. After my first boyfriend who showered me with compliments to my beauty, sexiness, cuteness, and all around physical appeal, I had no idea what was really going on in men's brains.
Harry (my summer boyfriend of 2010) and I had a few conversations after we broke up; one of which ended the opportunity for us to continue to be "friends". He was telling me about his friend's new girlfriend he kept telling me that "she is a total 10 like wow, can't believe how hot she is, she is a 10." I really didn't understand what he meant, I mean I'm not stupid I had an idea. Well I made the mistake of asking, "What do you mean she is totally a 10?" "Well, all girls fall on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 are girls that the idea of just touching them makes you sick to your stomach, like you don't even want to look at them, and then 10 is like as hot as it gets. She's skinny, has the long legs, the perfect breasts and ass, and when she shakes her hair from side to side you practically cum in your pants." (Those might not have been his words exactly but it's pretty close.)
Bigger mistake I followed with the "So where do I fall on the scale? What number am I?" "Well you'd probably be like a 6.5 to 7." I was kinda shocked I mean I'll be honest with myself I know I'm not a ten but I mean hell this guy dated me for four months and couldn't wait to get in my pants I figured I was atleast an 8-9. Continuing to fall down the hole I added "And if I got a breast job? Then what number would I be?" "Oh probably an 8 or 8.5." I laughed... and quickly changed the subject but it wasn't till sometime later that I realized how hurt I was and mostly how shocked. I did not take him to be someone that shallow.
I came to realize how much this conversation damaged me when I started seeing someone else, my new and first friend with benefits Nick. One day Nick and I were talking and it suddenly dawned on me I no longer felt like the all inclusive sexy, beautiful, cute, innocent, and mysterious woman my first boyfriend made me out to believe I was. Again falling into the trap of my emotions and curiosity I brought up the conversation I had had with Harry to Nick. His response was "Yeah, all men have a scale. Most of them are 1 to 10, but every man's scale varies, like what I would call a nine another guy might call a 4."
I was actually shocked, Nick being a sweet somewhat innocent though attractive nerd, I was not expecting him to have the same reasoning as Harry. And even more so he revealed that he and other men compare numbers. This time I did not make the mistake of asking him what number I was; especially because he added "When I find a 10 I'll marry her" and we had already made it clear we were in no way heading towards marriage let alone a girlfriend boyfriend relationship.
Later that week I told one of my girlfriends about my new discovery on how shallow men are she told me that her husband had a scale too, although his was 1-4, and he had told her she was about a 3. Again I was floored, I was expecting her to tell me "No not all men are that way." Her husband, probably the nicest sweetest guy I know, he too has a scale.
I just can't believe it! All this was going on and I had no idea, I mean I have had minor body image issues before and now I find out that they all have scales! Scales to rate us and judge us. Not only are women sex objects we are also NUMBERS!
Dating is such a disaster.... I long for the day when I can find another man who see's me for who I really am Beautiful, Sexy, Cute, Innocent, Mysterious... Romantic........Me!
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