Fun with Numbers

I have recently found out that I have apparently been very naive as to how men really feel about women.  After my first boyfriend who showered me with compliments to my beauty, sexiness, cuteness, and all around physical appeal, I had no idea what was really going on in men's brains.

Harry (my summer boyfriend of 2010) and I had a few conversations after we broke up; one of which ended the opportunity for us to continue to be "friends".  He was telling me about his friend's new girlfriend he kept telling me that "she is a total 10 like wow, can't believe how hot she is, she is a 10." I really didn't understand what he meant, I mean I'm not stupid I had an idea. Well I made the mistake of asking, "What do you mean she is totally a 10?" "Well, all girls fall on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 are girls that the idea of just touching them makes you sick to your stomach, like you don't even want to look at them, and then 10 is like as hot as it gets. She's skinny, has the long legs, the perfect breasts and ass, and when she shakes her hair from side to side you practically cum in your pants." (Those might not have been his words exactly but it's pretty close.)

Bigger mistake I followed with the "So where do I fall on the scale? What number am I?" "Well you'd probably be like a 6.5 to 7." I was kinda shocked I mean I'll be honest with myself I know I'm not a ten but I mean hell this guy dated me for four months and couldn't wait to get in my pants I figured I was atleast an 8-9. Continuing to fall down the hole I added "And if I got a breast job? Then what number would I be?" "Oh probably an 8 or 8.5." I laughed... and quickly changed the subject but it wasn't till sometime later that I realized how hurt I was and mostly how shocked. I did not take him to be someone that shallow.

I came to realize how much this conversation damaged me when I started seeing someone else, my new and first friend with benefits Nick. One day Nick and I were talking and it suddenly dawned on me I no longer felt like the all inclusive sexy, beautiful, cute, innocent, and mysterious woman my first boyfriend made me out to believe I was. Again falling into the trap of my emotions and curiosity I brought up the conversation I had had with Harry to Nick. His response was "Yeah, all men have a scale. Most of them are 1 to 10, but every man's scale varies, like what I would call a nine another guy might call a 4."

I was actually shocked, Nick being a sweet somewhat innocent though attractive nerd, I was not expecting him to have the same reasoning as Harry. And even more so he revealed that he and other men compare numbers. This time I did not make the mistake of asking him what number I was; especially because he added "When I find a 10 I'll marry her" and we had already made it clear we were in no way heading towards marriage let alone a girlfriend boyfriend relationship.

Later that week I told one of my girlfriends about my new discovery on how shallow men are she told me that her husband had a scale too, although his was 1-4, and he had told her she was about a 3. Again I was floored, I was expecting her to tell me "No not all men are that way." Her husband, probably the nicest sweetest guy I know, he too has a scale.

I just can't believe it! All this was going on and I had no idea, I mean I have had minor body image issues before and now I find out that they all have scales! Scales to rate us and judge us. Not only are women sex objects we are also NUMBERS!

Dating is such a disaster.... I long for the day when I can find another man who see's me for who I really am Beautiful, Sexy, Cute, Innocent, Mysterious... Romantic........Me!

Monkey Business: Part 2

So surprisingly enough after that first date with Micah and his stuffed monkey (backpack), I actually agreed to a second date. For our second date we agreed to go see a movie, we narrowed it down to a few options and then I got to pick (good sign?). Of course since it was my final decision we saw a romantic comedy I think it was Something Borrowed. Everything good so far until we sat down in our seats.

He almost immediately grabbed my hand and held it in one hand while the other arm began to lightly pet it. Although a little awkward I new he was attempting to be sincere, right? Then the movie started and the constant petting continued, 30min into the moving and he was still going the same 5inches of my forearm. You now that feeling where your skin feels red and irritated although it isn't actually red on the surface. I'm not sure how else to describe it but suddenly all I could focus on was my arm and how much I wanted to scream stop, stop touching me. At one point I unwrapped my fingers from his tucked my arm against my waist and held his hand with my other hand. That worked for awhile but then he got up to go to the bathroom. I was like OMG Thank you!

A took this opportunity to pull my feet up into the chair with my knees up and then leaned on the arm rest opposite of him. When he came back, however, he shifted my legs so that my feet were back to the ground, grabbed my arm, interlaced our fingers, and began petting my arm again. I have to admit that really bothered me I should be free to sit however I want to sit, seriously WTF.

The second the movie ended and the credits started I ripped my arm loose from his, grabbed my purse, and was ready to run. At this point my arm had actually turned red!

LA Fit-n-ass

So awhile back just after I joined the gym I was getting several text messages and phone calls from them... You see they wanted to recruit my friends to the gym but I didn't give them my friends numbers I gave them mine; and thus I was receiving recruiting messages even though I was a member.  One of the texts I got (and the last) was as follows:

ass just for stopping by!
Call or text back what time
you would like to stop by and
I'll get you hooked up.

Paul
LA Fitness

I hadn't realized that the gym also gave out bootie... If I'd known that perhaps I would have joined earlier. So I called and asked for Paul to see if he could clarify his message to me. He denied that he sent the message and thought I must have deleted the first half. (I checked with my brother-in-law who was also getting the text messages and he got the same message offering up ass.)  To prove Paul wrong I drove to the gym and asked Paul and his manager to please acknowledge the text. Apparently the message was supposed to read Free Guest Pass just for stopping by.

The sucky part is after all this ring-amoral I didn't get any bootie, a free guest pass, or an apology for unwanted sexual texts.

Petite Lady!

For those of you who don't know me personally in order for this post to make sense, I must mention that similar to my icon, the Yellowtail Damselfish, I am fairly petite (under 5' tall). Since I believe in being honest my online profiles reflect this. I have received several odd emails or live chat messages regarding my size. Some just question it and think it was a mistake but others are a little more interesting and memorable:

Introductory Chat Message: You must get asked out by a lot of high schoolers
(In case you were curious; I've never been asked out by a high schooler. Even when I was in high school.)

Him: You're so small you could fit inside my pocket

Me: Depends on the size of the pocket I suppose

Him: I'm 6' 3" so my pockets are pretty large

(I've never tried to fit in a pocket before. Though, as my friends know, I do fit in a good sized duffel bag pretty easily)

Email: Would it be shallow of me to say I'm writing because I adore petite females or that your smile is the cutest thing ever?

(I'm not sure that makes him shallow, I am sure that it makes him male, I'm not sure that I responded to the email)

Email: I have a thang for short women! Want to get to know this 6'8" tall, romantic and sensual man? I'm a bad boy in good boy clothing!!

(6'8" wholly fuck, yeah I didn't respond to that one. Guys over 5'10" make me self conscious)

Should I say Yes?

A new funny email just arrived:

Your very beautiful, would you consider going to a formal ball event with me? I am Charles by the way...

I've never been invited to a formal ball... Should I say yes?

Monkey Business: Part 1

Wow, I can't believe it has been over a month since I've posted. I have been trying to find the perfect time to reveal the monkey business stories and I think now might be good.

Where to start... I started talking to this guy online. He was a massage therapists, vegan (I'm a vegetarian so it kinda fit), and I think he played a music instrument of some sort. After talking a week or so we decided it was time to meet in person, our first date was to an Italian restaurant a place we could both find something to eat. He got there two minutes before me so when I arrived he was already seated. As I approached the booth I realized that there was something fluffy sitting next to him and once I got to the booth the fluff turned into a stuffed animal monkey. At first I thought perhaps he brought it as a gift which was cute but a little weird for a first date. Then (lets call him) Micah introduced me to the fluffy friend which was not just a stuffed animal but a stuffed animal backpack. The monkey backpack was named Jorge and apparently a close friend of his.

But it didn't end there... Jorge also contributed to parts of the conversation and gave me advice on what drink to order. Other than Jorge the date went very well, conversation was interesting, he was entertaining, kinda cute, and he paid for the dinner.

Then as we walked out he put on the backpack, except he put it on the front side (like a baby) so when he hugged me goodbye my breasts were pushed into Jorge's face. Awkward!

Hi

So today I got two new emails to my PoF account. I was kind of excited and went to check them. But I have to admit these were the most disappointing emails ever.

The subject line for both of them were Hi. Not a bad start, I usually go with Hello so I can't really disagree with Hi for a starter. Then I opened the messages and both of them were simple and sweet and said "Hi."

Seriously, you finally get the courage to message me and the only thing you say is hi... twice?! No: how is your day going, your profile says you like the outdoors what's your favorite outdoor activity, you have a nice smile, I am super cool and you should message me because I am super cool.

The crappy part is I get at least one of these a week, and I delete them all. I don't even look at their profile. Such a let down!