I know you were all sitting on the edge of your seats waiting to find out.... did he stand you up again??
No, no he didn't. Thank goodness. Although it did take him till 5pm that evening to tell me what the plans were.
This time I was late. But only like 10 mins late and only because I couldn't find parking anywhere.
The date was fine a little awkward. When our feet would accidentally touch each other under the table instead of it being a cute flirtatious moment it was an uncomfortable "oh I am so sorry." It turns out he is not disrespectful, aloof, inconsiderate, unreliable, selfish, immature, careless, insensitive, detached, and cold. Well maybe a little aloof and a total space cadet, but I might be able to accept that.
September 18, 2012
September 14, 2012
He stood you up?
Have any of you ladies out there been stood up before? I would like to think I'm not the only one who has experienced this form of humiliation, although at the same time I do not wish it upon anyone.
I have been stood up three times in my life. Though none of them were the traditional form, I have never waited for hours in a restaurant ordering more water and checking my watch every 10mins. Mine were a little less publicly humiliating.
The first was from a friend, one whom I'd been flirting with off and on for 3.5 years of college. He or I (I don't remember) finally got the courage to ask the other out, we decided a day and a time but hadn't narrowed down the place... and then the day and the time passed with still no word from him. And I'm pretty sure nothing again for several weeks if not ever. The same event was repeated a couple years later with a guy I had met online.
Both of these events caused a slight sting but were relatively easy to brush off.
My third and most recent, however, was much more painful. This time we had agreed on the date (the day after my birthday) and the activity (getting drinks) but we had not narrowed down the exact time or place. At about 4:30 that afternoon I thought perhaps I'd text him and see what time worked for him.
Me: Hey, when did you want to get together tonight?
Max: What time is good for you?
Me: Anytime.. Do you wanna include dinner or just drinks?
And then there was silence... Being the person that I am I first got frustrated, why isn't he calling me, seriously what's the problem... we don't have to do dinner... Then around 8 I thought I'd try calling him... no answer. Around 10 (after two other attempts at calling him) I called a mutual friend...
Me: Hey have you heard from Max, recently? We're supposed to have this date/drinks thing and I haven't heard from him in like 6 hours.
Friend: No, I haven't heard from him.
Me: Do you think I'm being stood up?
Friend: No Max is a good guy. He wouldn't do that, he wouldn't treat you like that. I don't know. I'm kinda worried maybe something's wrong.
Then I got a little worried, What if there was a family emergency? What if he had car troubles, what if he got in an accident? Then I reminded myself that there was nothing I could do, I went to bed and expected to hear from him in the morning.
The next day when I didn't hear anything I was kinda devastated. What did I do? What did I say? What is wrong with me? Maybe it's my breasts, maybe my breasts aren't big enough. My height, he didn't think it was an issue for him but it is isn't it? Did I push him away? Maybe he didn't like me after all? God I SUCK. I feel like an IDIOT. Why did I bother getting all dressed up? Why did I get so excited, it obviously didn't mean anything to him? All the questions, emotions, and frustration.
But why? It makes sense that if you get stood up that you feel like a looser. But what about them? Shouldn't they be the person who feels like an idiot? Standing someone up means you're disrespectful, aloof, inconsiderate, unreliable, selfish, immature, careless, insensitive, detached, and cold. Right?
It took him till Saturday at 10:30pm to finally tell me what happened. His excuse was reasonably lame something about phone dying, reduced service, friends in town, lost track of time.... His apology, however, seemed genuine and he noted that he wished to make it up to me. So I waited a few days (let my emotions simmer down) and then finally wrote him back.
In theory, we have a "making it up to me date" scheduled for tomorrow... but I haven't gotten any notice of the plans.
Do you think what they say about men who cheat is true for men who stand up women?
Once a Stander Up-er (?) always and Stander Up-er?
Well we're about to find out.
I have been stood up three times in my life. Though none of them were the traditional form, I have never waited for hours in a restaurant ordering more water and checking my watch every 10mins. Mine were a little less publicly humiliating.
The first was from a friend, one whom I'd been flirting with off and on for 3.5 years of college. He or I (I don't remember) finally got the courage to ask the other out, we decided a day and a time but hadn't narrowed down the place... and then the day and the time passed with still no word from him. And I'm pretty sure nothing again for several weeks if not ever. The same event was repeated a couple years later with a guy I had met online.
Both of these events caused a slight sting but were relatively easy to brush off.
My third and most recent, however, was much more painful. This time we had agreed on the date (the day after my birthday) and the activity (getting drinks) but we had not narrowed down the exact time or place. At about 4:30 that afternoon I thought perhaps I'd text him and see what time worked for him.
Me: Hey, when did you want to get together tonight?
Max: What time is good for you?
Me: Anytime.. Do you wanna include dinner or just drinks?
And then there was silence... Being the person that I am I first got frustrated, why isn't he calling me, seriously what's the problem... we don't have to do dinner... Then around 8 I thought I'd try calling him... no answer. Around 10 (after two other attempts at calling him) I called a mutual friend...
Me: Hey have you heard from Max, recently? We're supposed to have this date/drinks thing and I haven't heard from him in like 6 hours.
Friend: No, I haven't heard from him.
Me: Do you think I'm being stood up?
Friend: No Max is a good guy. He wouldn't do that, he wouldn't treat you like that. I don't know. I'm kinda worried maybe something's wrong.
Then I got a little worried, What if there was a family emergency? What if he had car troubles, what if he got in an accident? Then I reminded myself that there was nothing I could do, I went to bed and expected to hear from him in the morning.
The next day when I didn't hear anything I was kinda devastated. What did I do? What did I say? What is wrong with me? Maybe it's my breasts, maybe my breasts aren't big enough. My height, he didn't think it was an issue for him but it is isn't it? Did I push him away? Maybe he didn't like me after all? God I SUCK. I feel like an IDIOT. Why did I bother getting all dressed up? Why did I get so excited, it obviously didn't mean anything to him? All the questions, emotions, and frustration.
But why? It makes sense that if you get stood up that you feel like a looser. But what about them? Shouldn't they be the person who feels like an idiot? Standing someone up means you're disrespectful, aloof, inconsiderate, unreliable, selfish, immature, careless, insensitive, detached, and cold. Right?
It took him till Saturday at 10:30pm to finally tell me what happened. His excuse was reasonably lame something about phone dying, reduced service, friends in town, lost track of time.... His apology, however, seemed genuine and he noted that he wished to make it up to me. So I waited a few days (let my emotions simmer down) and then finally wrote him back.
In theory, we have a "making it up to me date" scheduled for tomorrow... but I haven't gotten any notice of the plans.
Do you think what they say about men who cheat is true for men who stand up women?
Once a Stander Up-er (?) always and Stander Up-er?
Well we're about to find out.
May 30, 2012
Fairy Tales
Recently one of the two living ghosts in my life appeared out of nowhere and said hello. I have not heard nor seen this person for over 5 years so it gave me quiet a scare and many emotions were soon to follow. Out of this came a moment of weakness where I decided to check in on the other ghost in my life (my ex). Although I didn't send him hate mail or call him and then quickly hang up instead I went the slightly more modern route and google'd him. Silly me....
What I found was his wedding photographers blog about his wedding and a small collection of pictures. One might think seeing him so happy and her so beautiful would break my heart but it wasn't the pictures that bothered me (mostly because he looked like he'd gained weight, his smiles were all off and more on the smirky/fake side, and although she was relatively pretty I thought she looked too young for him).
No it wasn't the pictures, it was in fact the text that the photographer had written about them that really ticked me off. She stated how "he and her had a fairy tale story that he had asked her out once and she said no, so he invited her on a road trip from their college back to his home almost 3,000 miles away and that it was during the trip that she fell in love with him. Their wedding cake was adorned with a small car and a black road wrapped around it as a symbol to their beginnings."
What bothered me so much was the part of the story that was missing, there was, obviously, no mention of how he was in a relationship with another woman (me) at the time of the road trip. How he only spoke with the current girlfriend once the entire week long road trip and that his excuse for such behavior was because it would have been awkward to talk in front of his friend (now wife) (probably because he didn't want the new girlfriend hearing him talk to the current girlfriend). Nor was there any mention of how the current girlfriend dumped him because at the time she thought he was being distant, rude, and most importantly incapable of true emotion or love. (Though as it turns out it appears that maybe he was just cheating on her.) And the fact that they would memorialize his cheating bastard self on their cake, just disgusts me.
When considering the entire story I wonder how anyone would describe this as a fairy tale? Do fairy tale relationships still exist or for that matter did they ever exist? Or does every relationship have it's dark back story that is never retold?
And all of this makes me wonder what will be said on my wedding day, what will be our fairy tale beginning?
After several years of tirelessly searching the vast internet far and wide for his one true love he found her amongst a crowd of other women in a land called OkCupid. It took much effort to push his way through the hoards of emails and online photographs of maidens asking for his hand before he finally encountered Yellowtail Damselfish's profile. There was something about her distinct coloring that caught his eye. She was a small but beautiful lady with just the right sense of humor, passion for the environment, and dreams for the future. Although it took him over a week after their first date at Starbucks to call her back on their second date to the zoo, as he watched her take pictures of the warthogs, he realized that he was falling in love. And as they say ... the rest was history.
What I found was his wedding photographers blog about his wedding and a small collection of pictures. One might think seeing him so happy and her so beautiful would break my heart but it wasn't the pictures that bothered me (mostly because he looked like he'd gained weight, his smiles were all off and more on the smirky/fake side, and although she was relatively pretty I thought she looked too young for him).
No it wasn't the pictures, it was in fact the text that the photographer had written about them that really ticked me off. She stated how "he and her had a fairy tale story that he had asked her out once and she said no, so he invited her on a road trip from their college back to his home almost 3,000 miles away and that it was during the trip that she fell in love with him. Their wedding cake was adorned with a small car and a black road wrapped around it as a symbol to their beginnings."
What bothered me so much was the part of the story that was missing, there was, obviously, no mention of how he was in a relationship with another woman (me) at the time of the road trip. How he only spoke with the current girlfriend once the entire week long road trip and that his excuse for such behavior was because it would have been awkward to talk in front of his friend (now wife) (probably because he didn't want the new girlfriend hearing him talk to the current girlfriend). Nor was there any mention of how the current girlfriend dumped him because at the time she thought he was being distant, rude, and most importantly incapable of true emotion or love. (Though as it turns out it appears that maybe he was just cheating on her.) And the fact that they would memorialize his cheating bastard self on their cake, just disgusts me.
When considering the entire story I wonder how anyone would describe this as a fairy tale? Do fairy tale relationships still exist or for that matter did they ever exist? Or does every relationship have it's dark back story that is never retold?
And all of this makes me wonder what will be said on my wedding day, what will be our fairy tale beginning?
After several years of tirelessly searching the vast internet far and wide for his one true love he found her amongst a crowd of other women in a land called OkCupid. It took much effort to push his way through the hoards of emails and online photographs of maidens asking for his hand before he finally encountered Yellowtail Damselfish's profile. There was something about her distinct coloring that caught his eye. She was a small but beautiful lady with just the right sense of humor, passion for the environment, and dreams for the future. Although it took him over a week after their first date at Starbucks to call her back on their second date to the zoo, as he watched her take pictures of the warthogs, he realized that he was falling in love. And as they say ... the rest was history.
April 11, 2012
You know you're an unpaid prostitute when...
So awhile back I was endeavoring in a friends with benefits. Which I must say did not last all too long and not for the reasons you might suspect. One of us did not start having feelings for the other, neither one of us fell for someone else or found a better friends with benefits, and one of us did not move away. It ended when I started feeling like an unpaid prostitute. I had no idea that there was such a fine line between friends with benefits and prostitution but yes I think it exists and yes I think I found it.
So to help other women see the warning signs I have written this list:
I hope this helps those of you out there who thought a friends with benefits would be fun and easy. Watch out before you now it... it's work but with out pay or benefits!
So to help other women see the warning signs I have written this list:
You know you are an unpaid prostitute when:
1. He doesn't really care if you orgasm
2. He doesn't care what you're wearing as long as it comes off
3. He no longer attempts to get you in the mood and instead simply states "It's go time!" or "Okay, I'm ready."
4. You always have sex at his place but you never have sex in his bed
5. He doesn't have much concern for your schedule or your sex drive
6. When planning on a next meeting he only considers his schedule and seals the time with "so see you next Tuesday for sex, though I won't be available till 6, so show up then." and then when 5:45 rolls around he says he's busy and could you push it to 7
7. He doesn't take you out in public unless you ask and make all the arrangements
8. You're responsible for sex accoutrements (lube, condoms, lingerie)
9. He's embarrassed to tell his friends about your "relationship"
10. You no longer feel like a friend and that there is just benefits, except he's the one getting all the benefits
I hope this helps those of you out there who thought a friends with benefits would be fun and easy. Watch out before you now it... it's work but with out pay or benefits!
April 10, 2012
If you don't know what DP is don't ask!
Oh my goodness, I had to share this with all of you.... I got an email from PoF telling me that this guy wanted to meet me. He was pretty cute, his profile was interesting, and I was kinda considering messaging him when I got to the bottom of his profile and found this:
DEAL BREAKERS
1) If you drink alcohol (even if it's just a glass of wine on occasion) Well Shit!
2) If you smoke or do drugs One I actually pass!
3) If you go out to clubs or bars Oops!
4) If you have friends who are guys. I don't have a single friend who is a girl, period. So obviously I don't want to date any girl who has friends that are guys, period! I don't want you to drop your guy friends for me, I am just looking for a girl who doesn't have guy friends to begin with. Well... depends on your definition of friend...
5) If you're still in school. I'm almost 29 years old so I prefer not to date anyone who is still in college. I have nothing against school but I'm ready to settle down and I'd like to be with someone who is past that point in their life. Never plan on going back to school ever!
6) If you have kids (I don't want kids, I'm just putting it out there as to not get anyone's hopes up) You don't want kids immediately or ever?
I will not make ANY exceptions whatsoever for any of these deal breakers, if you message me and you don't meet them, I'll simply delete your email. I guess it's a no then.
And then Holy Shit!!!! :
DISCLAIMER: Of course I come with a disclaimer! I very much enjoy sex (especially when it's with someone I love) and I consider myself very adventurous and kinky in the bedroom. I feel that an amazing sex life is part of the foundation for a lasting relationship. I HAVE A HUGE FETISH FOR DOUBLE PENETRATION OR 'DP' for short (if you don't know what it is, don't ask). It's also worth noting that DP involves two (or more) guys, as well as anal sex. If you don't absolutely love and fantasize about DP constantly (almost to the point where sometimes it's all you think about when it comes to sex), or you're prude, boring, or vanilla in the bedroom, I promise I am not the guy for you. I realize this is very blunt and forward of me to put out there, and probably even makes me come across as an ass, but honestly, I am tired of getting stuck in relationships with really boring sex, that's all. I want someone who has the same fetish as me!
Wow I mean Wow yeah...... HOLY SHIT!!!
Seeing that I don't spend every minute of my day thinking about DP and never really thought about in my life until reading this I'm definitely not the one for him.
Though hey if any of you ladies out there meet his deal breakers and are also in love with DP let me know and I can give you his username. Maybe you will be his one true love!
DEAL BREAKERS
1) If you drink alcohol (even if it's just a glass of wine on occasion) Well Shit!
2) If you smoke or do drugs One I actually pass!
3) If you go out to clubs or bars Oops!
4) If you have friends who are guys. I don't have a single friend who is a girl, period. So obviously I don't want to date any girl who has friends that are guys, period! I don't want you to drop your guy friends for me, I am just looking for a girl who doesn't have guy friends to begin with. Well... depends on your definition of friend...
5) If you're still in school. I'm almost 29 years old so I prefer not to date anyone who is still in college. I have nothing against school but I'm ready to settle down and I'd like to be with someone who is past that point in their life. Never plan on going back to school ever!
6) If you have kids (I don't want kids, I'm just putting it out there as to not get anyone's hopes up) You don't want kids immediately or ever?
I will not make ANY exceptions whatsoever for any of these deal breakers, if you message me and you don't meet them, I'll simply delete your email. I guess it's a no then.
And then Holy Shit!!!! :
DISCLAIMER: Of course I come with a disclaimer! I very much enjoy sex (especially when it's with someone I love) and I consider myself very adventurous and kinky in the bedroom. I feel that an amazing sex life is part of the foundation for a lasting relationship. I HAVE A HUGE FETISH FOR DOUBLE PENETRATION OR 'DP' for short (if you don't know what it is, don't ask). It's also worth noting that DP involves two (or more) guys, as well as anal sex. If you don't absolutely love and fantasize about DP constantly (almost to the point where sometimes it's all you think about when it comes to sex), or you're prude, boring, or vanilla in the bedroom, I promise I am not the guy for you. I realize this is very blunt and forward of me to put out there, and probably even makes me come across as an ass, but honestly, I am tired of getting stuck in relationships with really boring sex, that's all. I want someone who has the same fetish as me!
Wow I mean Wow yeah...... HOLY SHIT!!!
Seeing that I don't spend every minute of my day thinking about DP and never really thought about in my life until reading this I'm definitely not the one for him.
Though hey if any of you ladies out there meet his deal breakers and are also in love with DP let me know and I can give you his username. Maybe you will be his one true love!
February 25, 2012
Older Men: Vincent!
So I have a new job as an office assistant/receptionist for a small business. Most of my business's clients are people in their 40-60's. This job has been eye opening in many ways but especially in the ways of older men. Apparently I am significantly more attractive to men in their 50-60's than those in their 20-30's. Here is one such example:
Vincent:
Vincent goes everywhere with his dog Scout by his side (his dog is absolutely wonderful and probably the best trained dog I have ever met). The first time I met Vincent and Scout I couldn't help but pull myself away from my work to play and pet Scout. This led to Vincent and I chatting, mostly about Scout. In the middle of our conversation he stopped and said "What's your name again?" "Ms. Damselfish" "Well Ms. Damselfish, you are very cute!" "Oh thanks!" Then he looked down at Scout "Scout remember those chick magnet skills we worked on, you have my okay with this one." We both laughed, me a little awkwardly. A few seconds later he was called back to my boss's office. On our way back he said to me "If you just happen to follow us home that would be okay."
About 2 weeks later he stopped into the office again. This time he was more direct and exclaimed: "You are just too cute I want to take you home with me." I smiled and changed the subject to Scout who was sitting at my feet giving me puppy eyes. It has been a fantasy of mine to date a guy with a dog and Scout was a great dog.... Unfortunately, Vincent was 60 (older than my own father). Too bad.
Oh and later that day when I told my boss about Vincent's harmless advances he told me that Vincent was married... F***ing men. Though I suspect the next time Vincent comes in and compliments me it will still bring a smile to my face.
Oh and if you want to see why I gave it a second thought look up german shepherd and shiba inu puppies!
Vincent:
Vincent goes everywhere with his dog Scout by his side (his dog is absolutely wonderful and probably the best trained dog I have ever met). The first time I met Vincent and Scout I couldn't help but pull myself away from my work to play and pet Scout. This led to Vincent and I chatting, mostly about Scout. In the middle of our conversation he stopped and said "What's your name again?" "Ms. Damselfish" "Well Ms. Damselfish, you are very cute!" "Oh thanks!" Then he looked down at Scout "Scout remember those chick magnet skills we worked on, you have my okay with this one." We both laughed, me a little awkwardly. A few seconds later he was called back to my boss's office. On our way back he said to me "If you just happen to follow us home that would be okay."
About 2 weeks later he stopped into the office again. This time he was more direct and exclaimed: "You are just too cute I want to take you home with me." I smiled and changed the subject to Scout who was sitting at my feet giving me puppy eyes. It has been a fantasy of mine to date a guy with a dog and Scout was a great dog.... Unfortunately, Vincent was 60 (older than my own father). Too bad.
Oh and later that day when I told my boss about Vincent's harmless advances he told me that Vincent was married... F***ing men. Though I suspect the next time Vincent comes in and compliments me it will still bring a smile to my face.
Oh and if you want to see why I gave it a second thought look up german shepherd and shiba inu puppies!
February 18, 2012
Monkey Business: Part 3
HINT: SCROLL SLOWLY!!!
So the moment you've all been waiting for: How things ended with me and Micah!
Between the first and second date and after the second date, Micah began texting me 3 times a day. Once in the morning to tell me good morning. Usually around 7am. Then around lunch time he liked to tell me what he had had for lunch and always asked what I was having. Then in the evening he'd either asked me how my day had gone or let me know he was going to bed. Almost all of these text were also accompanied with a Sweetie or Honey or Cutie Pie. Which frankly was starting to creep me out.
But one day all of this changed:
Micah:
Yes that is correct ladies and gentlemen he sent me a dick pic! Of course his picture was a real picture and not a beautifully rendered one in Adobe Illustrator and lightly blurred for your viewing pleasure. No his was real alright.
I sat there in absolute shock. I was basically trying to end things with him and he sent me this. I don't know if that's like an f*** you here's what your missing or a last try to get me to stay?! All I know is that I sat there in horror and disbelief for 2 min and then began calling every girlfriend of mine to tell them the unbelievable story.
The weirdest part about it is that his picture was a forwarded message... I don't know if that means it's someone else's dick pic that he was sending around as his, or perhaps he had already sent it to some other fine lady, or perhaps someone else took it sent it to him and then he sent it to me. I really wasn't up for asking him so it still remains a mystery to this day.
So the moment you've all been waiting for: How things ended with me and Micah!
Between the first and second date and after the second date, Micah began texting me 3 times a day. Once in the morning to tell me good morning. Usually around 7am. Then around lunch time he liked to tell me what he had had for lunch and always asked what I was having. Then in the evening he'd either asked me how my day had gone or let me know he was going to bed. Almost all of these text were also accompanied with a Sweetie or Honey or Cutie Pie. Which frankly was starting to creep me out.
But one day all of this changed:
Micah: Hey how was your day?
Me: Pretty good, I had a job interview today, so I'm a little anxious.
Micah: Wow that's awesome!
Me: Yeah, I really hope I get it. I think it would be great
Micah: I'm sure you did great sweetie
Me: Thanks
Micah: So hey, I had a really naughty dream about you last night and can't stop thinking about you
Me: Wow, This might sound a little strange but I think this is going to fast for me
Me: I'm not ready to be your sweetie or have romantic (I meant sexual, well both really) feelings for each other
Micah: I could tell you felt that way
Micah: I was think we could be friends.....you know ; )
Me: (I didn't actually write anything I just sat there thinking huh? and as I was thinking this a picture began loading to my screen.....)
Micah:
Fw: My Big Juicy Italian D***.... In case you were curious!
Yes that is correct ladies and gentlemen he sent me a dick pic! Of course his picture was a real picture and not a beautifully rendered one in Adobe Illustrator and lightly blurred for your viewing pleasure. No his was real alright.
I sat there in absolute shock. I was basically trying to end things with him and he sent me this. I don't know if that's like an f*** you here's what your missing or a last try to get me to stay?! All I know is that I sat there in horror and disbelief for 2 min and then began calling every girlfriend of mine to tell them the unbelievable story.
The weirdest part about it is that his picture was a forwarded message... I don't know if that means it's someone else's dick pic that he was sending around as his, or perhaps he had already sent it to some other fine lady, or perhaps someone else took it sent it to him and then he sent it to me. I really wasn't up for asking him so it still remains a mystery to this day.
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